Episode 30- The Struggle of Being an Artist and Neurodivergent with Michaell Magrutsche

Today, we discuss the journey of Michaell Magrutsche! Thank you for joining our journey through the arts. Like we always say "Pursuing your Passions is a Bitch... But it's worth it!"

Please Check out our friend, Michaell Magrutsche-
His Website- https://michaellm.com/

Also Check us out and our future projects at The Rogue Scientist Productions
Website- https://theroguescientistproductions.com/
Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100087537946337
Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/roguescientistproductions/

Check out "The World Beyond" by Charles Dockham on Kindle- https://www.amazon.com/World-Beyond-Charles-Dockham-ebook/dp/B0C9QZYQB3/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2I1LDRGBVAYWN&keywords=Charles+Dockham&qid=1688338231&sprefix=charles+dockh%2Caps%2C801&sr=8-1

Check out "The Beautiful Beast" by Carolyn Clark on Kindle Vella-https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0BVMNPBKZ

Check out Watsynthebox- Guest host William Thornhill- https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094728966282&mibextid=b06tZ0

Transcript

The Rogue Scientist Productions (00:01.956)
Thank you and welcome to Pursuing Your Passions as a Bitch. I'm your host, Charles Dockerman, the owner of the Road to Scientist Productions and the author of The World Beyond, an ongoing story on Kindle Vella. With me, I have my guest, Michael McGrooch. Michael?

MICHAELLM.com (00:14.999)
Hi, hi Charles, nice to be here.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (00:18.164)
Very nice to have you on our show. So to kind of get us started, and I always like to ask this question to my guests. So what kind of got you into the artistic industry?

MICHAELLM.com (00:29.39)
Okay, I was born in Vienna, Austria. I was a sick child. Then I found out in school, I'm extremely neurodiverse, which I still am. And I basically repeated three classes and I couldn't do it anymore. So I'm completely self-taught. And the only thing that actually got me to feel like a human to somehow belong was creating of art, art creation.

was my only thing that literally always pulled me into being a human that contributes to society, however that looks like. And when I was 30, I found out I don't need anybody to tell me I'm an artist, because art saved my life, art creation. It made me being human, like so many.

kids, you know, when you see an adolescent, you see a movie and it saves your life literally, or hear a song. And yeah, and then I became more and more into artistic things from everything was art related in my life. So I was in video production, I sold tapes out of my trunk. I was a DJ. I was a fashion show producer.

went to television, worked with Robert Evans, co-produced with him, who did The Godfather. I was City Arts Commissioner, so everything in my life is related to the arts. And I'm not really crazy about the arts products. So I'm not really somebody that goes to, I mean, I did that, to go to every museum or whatever, but more I'm now about the awareness of art creation versus the art product.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (02:20.02)
Yeah, no, of course. And just to kind of get my listeners on the same page, would you be able to describe to them what being neurodivergent is?

MICHAELLM.com (02:32.786)
Yeah. So dyslexia and I have dysgraphia. So I hand-eye coordination as a brain hand, brain, brain hand coordination. And you hear me started that is not, I'm nervous, but that's just how I am. Uh, and, uh, also to, uh, when you read, you see 13 at 31, but you say 13. So it's literally, uh, a loop, uh, that you run in your brain.

And that's something that's, I don't know why that is, but a lot of people, like 20% of humans have that. I have an extreme. So there's varying degrees. And there's also geniuses that are very good mathematically. I'm not. So I'm more creatively. So I'm like a freak of creativity, not of science or linear things.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (03:32.208)
Okay, and so that sounds like they would create a lot of struggles kind of being in the industry. What have you kind of run into in terms of pitfalls or setbacks?

MICHAELLM.com (03:49.43)
My own self shame. Uh, w w what happened was, and I think every human can relate to this. Uh, the system is 24 seven. I mean, manmade system, any, you know, uh, you know, we are born in a hospital. It's a system we have. We're going to school. It's a system. We, we, we get a job as a system. Uh, you know, we live our habitat. We misunderstand and sink. We're living in systems and.

we have lost it and what over generation we have lost it because we created all the system, including New York, states, governments, every system is created by us. So we actually did gods of system and we could change them. But what happened was you asked me why, how I saw the challenge. I saw the challenge that I couldn't literally exist anymore. I thought I'm gonna die.

And I said, whatever I did till 50 years old was hitting the wall, hitting the system. You know, just go through, just stick with it, just hit it, you know? And there's a lot of lies in systems that say, you know, it should be every day. It should be sunny. If not, we sell you a Ferrari, a pill or a the new, the newest, whatever, fat.

And it's not true because if we would get that, you know that billionaires jump off roofs. You know that, you know, so if, if that success that you have everything, you have the girl, you have everything and still you're not happy. Meaning you are fulfillment. You're fulfilled. You know, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a hole that you fall into and it doesn't stop. And I felt it wasn't the system. Nobody told me you were stupid.

I wasn't bullied in life, I wasn't put down. But then you yourself see it as that. You perceive everybody else is successful, especially now with social media. That wasn't me because I was already finding myself. But in the social media, those are moments of joy, bliss, that you're, there's special moments when you're going, and only these moments get projected.

They're not moments of what the rest of your life looks. And what you then believe is, look, everybody is traveling all over. Everybody has all their money. Everybody has things. And you don't know the, the depression a person goes through, the self-struggle that goes through the, as a matter of fact, the fact that everybody shows just how great their life is, is because their life isn't great.

They show that their life is great because my life is great right now and I don't ever show it. I wake up in the morning, I'm happy, I'm fulfilled. And that's all we actually are sold it. You know, we are sold to get the Ferrari, to buy this, to get this program. And that your life is okay, but your life will never be okay. That is the sense of life. You always expand. And when you expand, you bump into other things. Things...

other people, systems, you bump into it. And, and, and, and system make it amplified because in nature, living beings, they're always bumping in something and they adapt constantly. It's the adaption that makes you work in harmony, right? Like a symphony orchestra. Everybody has to be on point. Nobody can just be.

I have the best violinist and that's gonna work and it's gonna be great. Now, if the curtain doesn't open, if the stage light is off or the oboist plays another note, it's all over. And it's more about the dance and how you handle mistakes and see mistakes as a growth point, an extreme, the reward of an ambiguity of a mistake.

is so much more rewarding than getting a, you know, making a big sale. That, that doesn't do anything. It's a short time or getting the Oscars. That's a short glimpse of fulfillment. How long does it take? You know, how long, how long are you going to be happy with getting the gold medal in the Olympics? Not very long, because then it starts again, because that's a systemic thing. It's a working out of a lack. And that's, that self shame, that emotion.

that you experience because you think the world is perfect and you are not, that is what kills you. I was sorry there was a long answer, but I think I said a lot of things that people wanna hear.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (08:47.944)
No, that's actually a really great point, especially because I know that anybody who's trying to get into the industry as a whole, a lot of what kind of holds people back is the thought of failure, the thought of not being on the same level as other people, the thought of not being able to be next to anybody or anything. Any of those points. It's a really important point to just kind of...

realize that everybody kind of has these struggles, everybody kind of has these thoughts, and it's taken that step to really kind of power through that or to try and work your way through that, especially where you were diagnosed at a really young age and you've recognized a lot of the struggles going forward at a really young age and yet you were still able to thrive.

within the artistic industry, you're able to thrive within the movie industry. Like you said, you've been on some movie shoots, you've been able to do some TV shows. I think you've also written quite a few books and going through the entire process is, while a struggle on the...

upfront for you because you kind of know that you're kind of walking into it with a lot of the Difficulties that a lot of people kind of would not Either try to overcome or just kind of see it as not a possibility for them you've been able to overcome them and be able to thrive and be able to kind of Take that forward and really kind of Make it your own and that's that's important to anybody who's walking into this industry

The Rogue Scientist Productions (10:41.388)
uh, mental disorders. And one thing that I kind of want to highlight is we're in May. Um, and May at the time of this recording is, uh, Mental Health Awareness Month. Um, so it's, it's, it's very important to kind of discuss these portions, um, of kind of self and understanding as you're walking into the industry.

MICHAELLM.com (11:08.47)
And I also want to mention to the point that I made that that your listeners and you review your successes Because I reviewed my success we always review failure so we never look at the Successes and we are not aware that successes just happen when everything is aligned and has nothing to do with what you do Because I was walking in France

Somebody tapped my shoulder. Are you Michael McGrooch? Mr. Robert Evans wants to see you when you're back in LA. I had no idea where it happens. I was applying for the arts commissioner job and three or four years later, they called me and said, are you still want to be the arts commissioner? They put me in the, in the pool and I wanted, I didn't, I didn't expect it or anything.

So, and there was nothing I did to all my accolades, system accolades, it just happened. That I'm alive today happened because, not because of me, because I was given a spirit that is very strong and obviously the adversity that had to go so strengthened that spirit. But I know a lot of my friends that died, a lot of people that died from, that were dyslexic, that couldn't handle it, that did drugs and all that stuff.

I'm not taking responsibility systemically, how valuable I was for the system. It just happened. I just keep going because that's what all humans do. That's why we get distorted and kill people and all this stuff, because we just keep going and think the best way of going is killing a person or the best way of thinking. We try to survive. That's our essential instinct.

And I was just blessed that I wasn't distorted because I could have been as distorted like everybody else. You know, like so many crazy people, the quote unquote crazy people, because I don't think there's crazy people. I think that system disturbed people and that is mental health. A system disturbed is, you know, what's going on in, in the war right now. These people are system disturbed. They, they use their system to kill people.

Uh, if you, you cannot submit to a system that you created, uh, in nature, you are, uh, you are valuable because you exist. Like the ant and the elephant, they are, they are valuable. They are not better. Uh, the nature doesn't say, oh, the elephant is better because it's bigger as ivory and all this stuff. And the ant is worse. You, you exist. So the, the, the worst is you are alive.

And therefore you're worthy in system. It's not that way. You have neurodiversity. You don't have money. You don't have things. You are not valuable. The beggar on fifth Avenue. I always say that example, because a good metaphor, uh, effects more people than you and I ever could affect by podcasts. Uh, because everybody on fifth Avenue looks at him either in disgust tries to help him goes on the other strike, other street looks away.

And the sad thing is the people are unaware what's happening. They, they are affected by a beggar or a homeless person because they know in the human realm, they can end up like this because the system says you're not worthy and both feel bad. The beggar feels bad because he thinks he's in this situation.

But he doesn't know that he's a mirror for all these people that walk by to remind them that they could end up like this in a second. And you know, this, the systems get more and more, I mean, 60% of Americans live paycheck by paycheck. So there is a lot of wisdom in, in, in living and looking at other humans, uh, to see what's going on, what is our human condition.

and it's not a system. You have to look at it from a human perspective.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (15:33.692)
Yeah, and that's a very important point, especially because, like you said, the difference between the system and a very human perspective, because we look at the industry of like the entertainment industry as a gigantic machine or a gigantic, just people go in, people kind of go through the process, people kind of go out. You see government as they're creating the rules, they're creating the laws, they're creating everything.

Um, everything kind of, we feel disjointed in the U S we kind of have, uh, politics, Democrats versus Republicans. Uh, the overall, um, issues that we kind of watch on TV, we hear on the radio, we kind of see all of these back fighting, in fighting, um, just trying to play the part. And it's like you said, it's a system that we created ourselves and to watch that system.

kind of not always work for us, we kind of have to focus on making it work for us, making the process work for us, making...

MICHAELLM.com (16:39.018)
Yeah, we could.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (16:45.233)
And so it...

MICHAELLM.com (16:45.822)
We could, we could, Jules, we could make it. Because we are the gods of systems. We are not the gods of us, but we are the gods of systems. So we could make him human that day.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (16:56.384)
Yeah, and that's where it's important on our end to really kind of focus on ourselves is we walk into the area, like you see for any jobs walking out, you must have a bachelor's degree, you must have 20 years of experience, you must have all these different things. Okay, well, that might not work for me, but there's still more I can do and I can create this.

happening or I can create something that will work for me. And so that's a huge piece to kind of overcome and a huge piece to kind of think because we always see our limitations. And like you said, you've had quite a few friends, I've had quite a few friends who kind of get stuck in the limitation phase, which is being told every day you're not able to do something because you have blank, blank, blank, this, that, this.

You have everything that will hold you back, and you can't go forward with this. And then overcoming that by going, well, why don't I just try? Or what can I do to really work?

MICHAELLM.com (18:06.446)
You can't, you can't because you're...

Yeah, but the thing is this Charles, you can't because you are conditioned over generations and once you're, and our strengths is adaptability. That's our, the first one is creation. We are creator animals, part of nature. Uh, the second is a human dialogue, which is not, I'm right, you are wrong. It's what podcasts is. That's why podcasts are so hot because people urge, they don't want to have a systemic...

information flow. They want to have a natural human interaction. That's why podcasts are so powerful because humans, we are eight billion people that all have different fingerprints, different eyes and different DNA. And when we have a dialogue, a human dialogue, not a systemic dialogue, systemic is right, wrong, good, bad. It's either or. It's like a computer language.

I'm a damn, you are a Republican and we just fight it out. You know, and we systemically, we don't talk anything about humans. We systemically talk what is a better, systemically better party, what is a, has more value. Nobody talks about humans. It's not about humanity. I mean, to talk about a war when nobody in the world likes war. Tell me one person out of the...

Disturb system leaders that want to take advantage of their quick relevance of power and taken over another country. Tell me who wants which person wants war. Nobody wants war and it is absolutely the resignation of human potential, meaning we can't talk to each other anymore. We have failed. So we have to hit each other's head in. Bash each other's head in.

Or we tell people, we indoctrinate them and say, you know, you have to shoot on a father that you, another father, if you're a father, that you don't even know. That is completely inhumane. And that we even discuss war in our society today in 2023 is absolutely observed. That's how much we are disconnected from our human...

potential and our human heritage that we are part of nature. That's why we want to save nature. We can't save nature. We are part of nature. Exactly we cannot submit to a creation we created. It's insane. It's insanity. The unawareness and this is what I do. I go to a podcast, I explain we got to be aware and see the different viewpoint. That doesn't mean I'm against system. That doesn't mean we need to destroy system.

We just need to update systems and let systems that are outdated die.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (21:11.384)
No, and that's important too, is that we're so, like you said, indoctrinated in the thought that it's the status quo. It's the normal. This is just how it's been. It's how it's normally going to be. It's how it's going to be in the future. And to just kind of recognize that with the changing times, so much is changing and we need to recognize things need to change with it.

I kind of look at computers as a huge piece right now is the evolution of computers and the evolution of the internet and the evolution of everything else has advanced so fast that at certain points, like you said, old systems can't recognize it anymore, can't govern it anymore, can't do anything with it anymore.

we need to recognize and we need to kind of see that certain things need to be changed, certain things need to be put in place, certain things need to happen in order for it to be properly kind of have some sort of control or at least recognize that there's some power in that. But at the same time, it's...

It's that the laws and regulations that we've had in place are now so outdated, we kind of need to let them die. Like you said, when it comes to nature, we need to stop recognizing that nature is something that we need to fix, but recognize that we are a part of nature and if nature dies, we die, is the huge piece. Is, yeah, it's recognizing that.

we are, what we put into it is what we're gonna get out of it. And I just saw this huge thing that a popular orange juice company has been allowing toxins into their orange juice and now that's kind of getting processed and given to like the American people. So it's just, it's one of those things is

What we put into it, we get out of it. And going back to certain pieces, when it comes to your life story, you started with a lot of setbacks. You've been told that these are setbacks. These are gonna be limitations. These are gonna be the things that are gonna hold you back. And you've overcome them and recognized that you can still make your way as a part of.

of everybody else. You can make your own way, you can dictate your own life, you don't need to be told what you can and cannot do. And that's a huge piece when it comes to being an author, being a writer, being an actor, being a director, being anything in the world that you want to be, a lot of people are going to tell you you cannot do that.

But it's because they see the limitations within themselves. They see the limitations that they've been dictated. They've seen everything that they've been told. And they think that that's the only way of doing things. And like you said, humans are adaptive. And what we can do is we will find another pathway to still achieve what we want to achieve. And in that, if you wanna be an actor, there's 50 ways to do that. My favorite saying when it comes to

coding or anything like that, there's 50 ways to skin a cat. And it's, it's, I, for anybody out there who's listening or for anybody who's tried to do computer coding, you'll recognize that there are hundreds and hundreds of hundreds of ways, different codes, different ways to write it, to do the exact same thing. So it's.

To say that the one way that everybody else has done it for years is the only way to do something It's very important to recognize you can find your own way to meet your own goals to meet your own dreams

MICHAELLM.com (25:29.678)
Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, you know, you say overcome this thing and this sounds so systemic. Uh, I want to just get clear. I have not tried to overcome anything. I have to just try to survive from moment to moment. So I, I, I was not setting out and said, I'm going to get this job, you know? And then it came to me. I'm saying, I want to tell people I've not said when you recognize.

when your job that you wanna do is to be an actor or is to be an artist, you need to feel, is that an expansion of who you are? I thought playing guitar was my thing because I looked at a patterning of Jimi Hendrix and all these super guys, and I said, my thing, I wanna emulate them. And it's not about emulating, it's about discovering who you already are.

because you're one of eight billion. The value is that nobody can do what you can do. You are one of eight billion that is different and therein is the value. It's not to be the same as other or emulate other people. The emulation that we have and the adaptability is to create balance in the whole system, but you need to find your own puzzle piece so that you can easier connect that piece in the whole. And...

I, you know, when I played guitar two years, a classic guitar and get nowhere, I think I can play five chords. And then a friend of mine just said, hey, the percussionist got sick. Do you wanna play percussion? I said, I have never played percussion. He said, go, go, I know you're good. You're into music, blah, blah, blah. And I became a virtuoso. I became really good in adding color, like painting into music. And...

And that I did a CD and all the kinds of stuff. So it's not about, I want to be a percussionist or I want to be guitarist and push through, but being in touch with is that me? Guitar wasn't me, even, you know, from the dyslexia, it wasn't, you know, because they hand eye coordination, they're just graffling it. But it wasn't the way I did that. I had that. So you always need to go from a point where I say, I'm not aware of what's going on.

but I'm watching, I'm not judging. I'm not saying I gotta go through that in the system thing. I need to go through it, through it, through it. No, Churchill was right. When you are in hell, keep walking, but you keep walking aware by observing, not by judging. You just try to survive from one place. And in that survival, in that always checking in, is that me, is that a part of me? Not...

That system relevant. Is that human relevant? And is it me? That is the key point. And does it bring me, my feedback is that I'm on the right track in life, that I get fulfillment, not success. Success is a lack. You hit the quarter and you get to go down the rabbit hole even more. So it's a continuous, success is a continuum of a lack. Fulfillment is the feedback, because if I'm a beggar and I'm fulfilled, I'm a good a...

I live a great life. If I'm billionaire, I'm not fulfilled, I live a horror.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (29:02.068)
No, and that's a really good point. One thing that I wanted to ask, what would you suggest to our listeners who might be starting out and have had a kind of rough go by, like you said, having certain mental health issues or certain issues that kind of have been brought to their attention as to why they shouldn't.

be following down certain paths? What would you kind of suggest to our listeners who are just kind of starting out and but still want to pursue their dreams?

MICHAELLM.com (29:41.746)
So what I said before the, you know, first of all, ask yourself, am I living a human relevant life or am I living a system relevant life? If you live a system relevant life, you will have a lot, it won't help your mental health. So your mental health can only be a calm down or recognized or being.

mellowed out by being a human centric life. If you live a human centric life, that means you're part of nature, you're one species of nature, and because you exist you're worthy. Because if you put to a person that is sensitive even more system pressure, the distortion gets worse because you know depression is an all-time high, suicide is all-time high, and that's 80% systemically.

because you don't have that in nature. People aren't depressed, people don't off themselves, people, they don't have that. So I say, first of all, look, if you're living, just think by yourself, if you're living a human-centric life or a system-centric life, that it's all about career, all about the system. I think mental health, to a big extent, that's my experience, is that we forget ourselves

And we try to adapt to something that is not humane. Systems are very static. They are outdated, like we said. If you want to, there's nothing wrong with you how you are. You might be disturbed because you misinterpreting your habitat as a system. And a static system, we are fluid. We continuously change. The person in prison.

He's changing every minute because he's aware about things. He's not aware about things. He's frustrated. It's continuum. It's a continuum. So we see that and see it's okay to have, you know, do not understand, to stutter. Once you lean into you are okay, you are okay. And this is what I say when people don't know what's fulfillment.

It is that feeling that you have after an orgasm, not a half an hour after it, just right after it. That means the world is okay, you are okay. Chase that feeling, not the joy and happiness and great. That leads the fulfilling, if you chase that feeling, so what fulfills me? Playing with the dog, planting a tree, just look at my collection of stamps.

It doesn't matter. Whatever makes you fulfill, dive into that till it doesn't fulfill you and then get to something else that fulfills you. Because by fulfilling, you learn who you are and you are worthy. As a human, you're born as a human, you're worthy. Every human is worthy because nature doesn't make mistakes. Remember nature? They have found scientifically now that nature is always correct. So if nature is correct, then you are correct by saying I'm worthy.

You're not gonna be LEMS, that's my monopoly play, but you're gonna be worthy.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (33:12.516)
And I think that's a great way to end this episode. I would like to thank you for being my guest on our show today. Are there any projects? Are there any websites? Are there books? Anything that you would like my listeners to be able to follow you on?

MICHAELLM.com (33:29.194)
Yeah. Um, so if you want to know more about human centric and creativity and, uh, what the power of creativity is, because it's not the product, it's the, uh, journey as, as we say, it's milking the moment of creation because I'm living what I preach, so I have zero education. Uh, I completely self-taught. I wrote six books now. I, uh, uh, I did all this stuff. And.

You know, the books I wrote for me, I sold, got us a $50 worth of books last year and I've survived, uh, published. So it is, you do the stuff all for you. The process of living is for you. It's not about the end product, that system relevant. It's about the fulfillment that you get by creating, by doing your job. If your job isn't an expansion of you, for example, my job is an expansion of me. I'm in hospitality to afford being an artist.

That's me. So I love going to work. I never have that again. I hate going to work. That it doesn't work. I am, I love going to work. I'm fulfilled. I'm happy when I'm go home because I'm doing something that is expansion of me. I love to be in podcasts. It's, it's fulfills me. And as long as I'm fulfilled, which is the human success, I know I might live my life according to my thing and so listen to my podcast, go on my website, Michael M.com.

Michael with two L's, M.com. And there is the link to my podcast, which is 30 seconds with a question, just for you and just go through those. It will, it will, it will transform you because you've got, I'm going to change just the perspective to say, there's another perspective to look, look at, at your life. And when you do that, then just, uh, I, I, I'm confident that you will put the rest to it to make it work.

The Rogue Scientist Productions (35:27.556)
Thank you. And as for me, you'll be able to find us on our website, the road scientists productions.com where we have our merchandise and links to my story on Kindle Vella, the world beyond. You also have all of our road scientists, social media platforms, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter. The best way to support us is to like our podcast on your favorite podcast platform of choice and let us know how much you've enjoyed our show. We want to thank Michael McGrooch for being on our episode today and thank all of our listeners as well.

This has been our podcast to all of those out there looking to start a new career in the arts such as acting, writing, music, comedy, and more. Always remember, pursuing your passions is a bitch, but it's worth it.